you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
