oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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