Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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