I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
