we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
