her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
