im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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