i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
