I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
