Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We need to get me chipped asap
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize