are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
