the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
