This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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