the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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