I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
