eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
