you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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