if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
