K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
