The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
