Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
People in love make me want to vomit
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
