I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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