And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it's like iHOP with fire
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
