dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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