We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize