I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
