She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
