I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
