i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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