perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
