Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
