I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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