what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
