All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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