I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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