Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize