well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
