All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
