i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
