You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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