If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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