Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
