I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
