none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
