I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
