thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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