you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love having hate sex.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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