we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
