mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
