I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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