I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
