Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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