I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
