Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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