afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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