I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
