You can't special order awesome
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
