I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
