Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
