it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
