Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize