I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
