After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
