Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
