I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
