I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
