my phone needs a breathalizer
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
