I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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