It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
