PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
