she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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