ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
