id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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