we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
