the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
