It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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