In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
