I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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