I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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