we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
