What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize