hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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