He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
