well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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