porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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