nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
