I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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