Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
