y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
