I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
