the condom got lost in my hair
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
