i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
