I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
