I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
