Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
