just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
