maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
