i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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