If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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