Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
