we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
